The holidays are here in full force: the music, the decorations, the family gatherings. Though it’s supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year”, for many of us the holidays feel like a slap-in-the-face reminder of our loved ones who have passed away.
Mikayla Jameson of The Atlantic explains that, “Behind all the presents and the abundance of food and drinks, the holidays are fundamentally about spending time with family and friends. But after the death of a loved one, a season of indulgent celebration can feel perverse to the bereaved.” Spending a holiday without a loved one may be difficult, emotionally exhausting, or painful; and that is both normal and okay.
Grief has many stages. You might be familiar with them: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. The thing about these stages though, is that not everyone experiences them in that order; the stages are not linear. And for some, you may go through a stage and then return to it at a later time. Grief is complex and often unique to each individual. However, it is more common than you may realize. You are not alone in it, no matter how much your mind may try to convince you of that.
If you are experiencing grief this holiday season, we hope you’ll remember these things:
You don’t have to force yourself to celebrate. Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings you are feeling in the moment. Don’t ignore or hide your feelings. Talk about them with loved ones. You can also discuss grief with your medical provider. They may be able to offer some guidance and additional support for you.
You are allowed to celebrate, and/or change the way you celebrate. Trying to keep the holidays exactly the same can sound comforting, but often it just hyper emphasizes the hole that your loved one left behind. It’s okay to celebrate differently and/or create new traditions.
You are allowed to reminisce about your loved one. Often when we are grieving or feeling depressed, there is a human tendency to isolate ourselves from others and/or not talk about it. That is not a healthy coping strategy. It can be healing to talk about your loved one. Reminisce, share stories, talk about the good and the bad memories. Keep their memory alive by sharing their story.
You can protect yourself from burn-out by setting healthy boundaries. Don’t feel obligated to perform. If you are feeling drained, emotional, exhausted, etc, give yourself the freedom to take a time out. If you know that certain interactions are going to be extra painful, set a limit to how long you will spend with those individuals, and stick to it. Be honest about your limitations, and ask for help and support if you need it.
Some other healthy ways to cope with grief include self care: maintaining healthy and regular eating habits, getting enough rest, and staying in touch with surviving loved ones. Advocating for yourself can seem like a lot of work, but protecting your mental and physical health is worth the investment.
DISCLAIMER: This article contains information that is intended to help the readers be better informed regarding exercise and health care. It is presented as general advice on health care. Always consult your doctor for your individual needs. Before beginning any new exercise program it is recommended that you seek medical advice from your personal physician. This article is not intended to be a substitute for the medical advice of a licensed physician. The reader should consult with their doctor in any matters relating to his/her health..
