According to current government statistics, about 27% of older adults living in the United States live alone. That translates to about 14.7 million aging adults who may be spending Valentine’s Day alone this year. Of course there are caveats to that statement: Not everyone celebrates Valentine’s Day; Much of its hype is largely the result of advertising and commercialism; and Valentine’s Day really shouldn’t influence our self-worth. What it can do instead is remind us that building and maintaining relationships with others, not just romantic but platonic ones, too, is healthy and necessary.
Lack of companionship is unhealthy for humans. There is scientific evidence to prove that. For aging adults, lack of companionship can increase the risk of cognitive decline, mental illness and poor physical health. In his book, Timeless: Nature’s Formula for Health and Longevity, Louis Cozolino says, “Of all the experiences we need to survive and thrive, it is the experience of relating to others that is the most meaningful and important”.
I could cite all of the statistics to prove to you why humans need social connections but we’ve done that before. Let’s talk about making connections, and maybe even dating, as a senior citizen. First of all, in order to make friends or start dating you need to get around people in a safe way.
Practice by connecting with family or caregivers. Start a conversation by asking open ended questions. Those are the kind that need more than a yes or no answer. Then practice your listening and responding skills. A local senior center is a good place to start seeking connections. A senior center offers classes, meals, and other social functions for aging adults. Other options for meeting people include a local church, religious organization or social club. You can add a layer of protection by asking family members to help set you up with people they already know. This way someone you know and trust can vouch for the character of the new person. If all else fails, online dating services like eHarmony and Match can be useful tools. Just remember that online correspondence doesn’t equal real connection. Try to meet in person safely if you are pursuing a connection via an online service.
Some things that are important to keep in mind when seeking new friends and romantic connections:
- Have realistic expectations: If you already had the greatest love story ever told, you may not find that level of love again, or at least not right away. That doesn’t mean there isn’t an opportunity for different, yet still beautiful, relationships. Don’t expect everyone you meet to be able to do the full blown “dinner and a movie”. Be willing to take a walk with someone, get coffee together, or even read books side by side at a local library. Companionship can look different as we age. That doesn’t devalue it.
- Be honest about what you want: Just looking for a friend? Say that up front. Seeking romance? Speak up. You get to choose what level of relationship and commitment you want. It’s important that the person you are seeking a relationship with respects your boundaries.
- Be safe: Meet in public spaces that are well-lit. Let a trusted loved one know where you are, and consider installing a location tracking app for an extra layer of safety. Never give out private information like social security numbers, bank information, etc. If someone asks you for this type of information, remain calm but consider it a red flag. Get help from a trusted loved one or the police right away.
As humans we crave social connection. It’s just how our brains work. If you are feeling lonely and needing a friend, maybe February could be the month that you make an effort to build some human connections in your life. Take the risk, and see if your quality of life gets better.
–Bethany Sellai is the Resident Blogger at Be Active Be Well. She lives well with her husband, three sons and one very lazy Shih Tzu, in the Central Valley where she creates social media & blog content from her little craftsman bungalow.
DISCLAIMER: This article contains information that is intended to help the readers be better informed regarding exercise and health care. It is presented as general advice on health care. Always consult your doctor for your individual needs. Before beginning any new exercise program it is recommended that you seek medical advice from your personal physician. This article is not intended to be a substitute for the medical advice of a licensed physician. The reader should consult with their doctor in any matters relating to his/her health.
